Fatso The Clown by Dannis Von aka Dan Leopold I was born to a family of well diggers in what is now the Black Forest area in Germany in the early 1800’s. A collapsed well took the life of my mother and left me as an orphan to roam the forest at the age of six. From there on keeping my age in check is a little tough. I know it was at least 10 years before I saw another human face as I had a beard and pubes putting me round about the age of 16-17. I was arrested by a border patrol for after gutting a Boar (which was DAMNtasty) on a Lord’s land and charged with poaching. The sentence was Death after being tortured for a minimum of one week. Upon driving spikes into my feet and branding my Gnads with a P, I spat at them and tried to pull the spikes out with my teeth. From there they brought it up a notch. Several gallons on boiling oil down the ole’ gullet later, they realized it was useless. Hell, that was some of the best grub I had in years! After news reached the Lord of my resistance to pain, he decided to pay me a personal visit. The Lord was a stocky fucker. Maybe 5’5” at most. He was mean lookin though. Teeth all filled down and unshaved for at least a year, he looked a sight. He agreed to free me If I were to serve him for life in his small military force. Long story short, he adopted me as his own giving me my first memorable name. Dannis Von Stomppenstein. Stomppenstein was his land. As years past we grew pretty damn close what with killing folks and all. He decided to make me his official sun. I guess that puts me around the age of 25-30. Shortly there after, my Lord died leaving me his land. Ohhh boy howdy I ruled with an Iron fist! I tell you the parties we had… There wasn’t beer for months because of me. That upset my people greatly. My cruelty (according to them) got out of hand when I demanded that all the first born sons be brought me for a feast. Most of them showed and I guess they misread the invitations…I ate every last one of them. Damn good eats! After that I kind of overstayed my welcome. I ran out of my own damn land. I guess I was about 45 maybe when that happened. From there I made my way east. After traveling around for a while and doing some killings along the way, the law caught up with me. They gave me a choice. Die or fight in a damn war that I had nothing to do with. The Union treated me well I suppose/. I ate all I wanted! There was no shortage of fresh southern flesh to nibble on! So the damn thing ended and so did my fun for quite some time. I worked the coal mines of Kentucky for a run, then decided to take up the ole’ family business and dig wells for a while. That got me into so much damn trouble. What’s the point of having a well if you can’t keep bodies in it!?! Its crap I tells ya. I was arrested and put on a chain gang where I got pretty damn good with working a sledge. One day I whacked the guard one good and made my way out of that stink hole to a little place known as Porkopolis. Cincinnati is a wonderful place! The cops done give a shit, and neither do the people. I was arrested AGAIN after having a little too much to drink and taking a GIANT shit in the stupid little fishpond they have downtown and writing “I harpooned your Mother” on a building. I drifted and did side jobs to pass the time. I got a gig one day as a clown, and I friggin loved it!! I donned the Name Fatso and have been known that way ever since. I was hooked up with a place called the Dent School house for a student appreciation day. They thought hiring a clown was a good idea…well I proved them wrong! After 100 dick jokes in the firs 5 minutes of being there and killing a dog with a sledge hammer, they fired me. I was damn tore up about it. Then this old codger approached me named Charlie and he invited me to stay in a boiler room and help him keep those damn brats quiet while he wrenched away on them. Ive been there ever since! I make freak-went (HAHA!) trips to Clifton. They have the best homeless meat market round! So that’s pretty much my story in a round about way